THE ADJUSTMENT

NEWER PATHWAYS
  FEBRUARY 19, 2014

It seems after living with another for the 54 years of our marriage that there would be some emotional and physical changes.  These last approximately 18 months have been registering in a rather factual way.  However, it is affecting me more obviously this second year.  I have been planning and unplanning a trip to Israel.  Our pastor gave me the name of Father Tom Wise who is familiar with the Holy Land.  I got in touch with him.  He was retiring and possibly planning another group trip.
Then the Hamas and our U.S. administration began they attacks. Hamas shelling the land; our government with lack of support for Israel.  I had made preliminary arrangements with nurse/friend, Christina Higdon to accompany me on any trip.  However, because of poor sleep habits curtailed by poor bladder control, I decided to enroll in a trial program at Springhill Hospital, using Metronic
device attached to bladder nerves to see if this could reduce bathroom visits.  It was a crude device; it seemed to lessen trips by 45% and I was going to go through with the implantation.  However, I cancelled the surgery because of poor support system (2 phone calls to Metronic and Hospital for
answering my concerns and/or questions), plus I felt there was poor empathy between Dr. Burch and me.

Father Tokarz gave me good feedback on places to visit in England, but without a good guide versed in Catholicism, I was not inclined to visit there; nor to visit Spain with a group from New Orleans because of geographic and travel asking for physical output which I don't feel I have in enough
quantity to make a pleasant trip.

I arranged a weekend in New Orleans:  Catholic Renewal Charismatic Conference.  Christina approached me after all arrangements were completed that she did not wish to attend and wanted me to go with someone else.  That negated the whole reason for my wanting a medical person to accompany me.

I am, once again, thinking of another journey -- possibly a train ride in Canada ending in B.C.
Vancouver.

My church is keeping my spirits high; friend, Maureen, is a spirit-filled friend.  We try to meet at my home once a week for conversation and following Father Barron or other sources.  I also had two/three friends over for conversation and light food - Mary P., Joan W. and Ken W.  I hope to repeat
this soon.  

A troublesome time with brother Phil has been graced with peace.  Kathy has been acting as mediator.
She called to tell me that Phil had fallen (due to absence of balance) and broken his hip.  I have sent
cards and recently, a mass card for each of them as they go through healing.  I called Phil and Kathy a couple of weeks ago; they have not called back or acknowledged my mail.

I have frequent thoughts of Oz and missing him this year; thinking of how he set himself up to leave
this earth; I have a group of saints' pictures on the kitchen table - they are my emissaries to Jesus; I am less lonely with them a daily part of starting my day and then, without pictures, talking to them before I go to sleep at night.

Brian arranged for Lynn to help me routinely twice a week in the afternoons; also, any extra time that I would need help.  I am very fortunate with this;  I still have Lisa to clean every two weeks.

I also contacted a Mrs. Liz Zerlott to teach me painting -- false alarm today (2/19) because no one was in the art room at church on Wednesdays - she was not feeling well.  I don't like the crowding in of bible study, art lesson, and seeing son, Brian -- we'll see if anything works.

The year 2013 has been filled to the brim with life changes.  My dear Oz of 54+ years died on May 6th at Providence Hospital.  He had been 'rescued' many times there in the 7+ years of our living in Mobile due to many physical setbacks.  These setbacks eventually took their toll - he got weary, and left us.
Oz had many opportunities to leave our home to visit others but he soon became reclusive.  He loved and surrounded himself with books, mostly of the spiritual writings of deep thinking authors.  He lightened his time indoors by reaching for color.  With the help of our long-time friend and design consultant, Sue, the walls of his den and the floor coverings became an art palette of soothing shades.  He also remained faithful to his Alma Mater,Penn State, and worked on football pools successfully.  When scandal broke there and his beloved football coach, Joe Paterno, was ostracized, his heart was shattered.  Joe soon died of cancer.  Oz was bereft.
    Oz was a man who loved his job - one of many- when he retired, he lost motivation.  The early years of our marriage were filled with work and church-filled activities.  He used his teaching skills always.  For over 35 years, he taught religious ed to 7th and 8th graders - concentrating on the sacrament of confirmation.  He served as a lector, eucharistic minister, and in the choir.  Because of some physical setbacks, I did all the driving to his job and to our  church.  He used to say that I would get heavenly credits for this --
ah, that it would be true!
     My grieving concerns the last several months of his illness - he continued to drift away from life.  It is painful to think of this, and I shall not elaborate.
     My pastor and my spiritual friends have been a strength for me.
The caring notes from new and old friends were so plentiful and dear.  The flowers sent a loving remembrance.  Brian and Tabitha did their amazing organizing with me and our pastor and the day of the memorial mass was beautiful - Brian and Steve gave a reading -- Father David gave unforgetable renditions of songs and a moving homily.  Eric had spent a week with me to get through the preparations.  Brad and Becky came after the mass to stay a little while because of school and job commitments.
      Jessica, always reserved, displayed a deep compassion which has touched me.  Lauren chose to hide her feelings.
       This is the end of another episode in my life.

New thoughts:
It's now April, 2013 - birthday just passed.  Family love abounds.  I am so fortunate.  Awaiting the healing of my eyes after corrective surgery.  Paper work awaits; impatience soars.  Belated birthday luncheon planned with my beautiful spiritual companions.  Husband is sliding - losing incentive - doctor's visit tomorrow.  Possible in-home therapy if available.
Political humdrum with our President and our pitiful Congress.
My once strong input has to diminish because we are the 'grassroots' and more and more $$ are needed to continue the struggle.  Signing off now.

May 13, 2011 Definitely a change of pace

This page is being written almost 3 months from the above date. A couple of months previous, my husband and I had a beautiful wooden floor installed throughout the "great" room - dining-livingrooms. We did enjoy it until the evening of May 13, I had been sitting in the easy chair enjoying a snack in front of a favorite T.V. show (channel 199 of oldies). I arose as usual holding a tray and turned to return it to our kitchen, when I suddenly lost my balance, I could not right myself, and went crashing to the floor. Oz came to see and said "Oh my God" and thought he could help me up. Could not - could not move - great pain - this is serious - called son, Brian, called 911 - fire truck and ambulance arrived. To emergency room at Providence, MRI done and head check since I had hit my head as well (hair curlers saved this head from harm) but the E.R. doctor intoned to me: pelvis fracture, can't do anything for it, it must heal itself, 6 to 8 weeks, lots of pain.

Several days at Providence Hospital, observation and decision made. To Mobile Rehab. center where I remained for

5 weeks - came home on Father's Day weekend and Eric & Carla's visit -- good visit - pinochle in the evenings. Meanwhile, Christina Higdon, an R.N. from Our Savior, who was supposed to be helping Oz while I went to Italy, stayed on until the end of July. A wonderful helper to both of us - sent by the Lord, I'm sure.

I immediately made arrangements to be admitted to the Providence Rehab Center to continue in my desire to improve my strength and work on balance. I have put in 4 weeks of P.T. 3x per week, now have reduced it to 2x per week, beginning

Aug. 9th.

I resumed early rising for mass on Aug.5 - First Friday. The following week I attended Faith Sharing group and Friday A.M. mass. Attended my first Sunday mass on Aug. 14th and since Father David had mass on Aug. 15 for our Blessed Lady, I did that also. Today, I joined my friends at Faith Sharing. Hopefully, this shall continue although I find it uncomfortable to remain in the seats provided for the full 1-1/2 hours.

Tonight, I shall attend my first Church council meeting with Jan Murray, president.

Sue Shivers has been active in our lives again since the refund from my non-Italy trip came through and a rug was purchased to help avoid any future slips. Oz' favorite bathroom, off from his "cave" is having the tile floor re-done. Next week, Danny will provide workers to powerwash, paint, caulk outside and inside. The entire summer has been hot, hot, hot for all those who had to work outside - I have barely been outside so I do my usual dress-up to keep warm in air conditioning.

This completes the current update, just of this household- -oh, not quite, Oz fell also, no fx, bruising, hospitalization, blood transfusion, P.T. eval. He's just completed 4 weeks of home health P.T. and hopefully can continue with the nursing portion. I'll be finding that out this week.

Fall Happenings in 2010

This has been a year of medical challenges, none, as yet, very serious, but nevertheless a reminder that aging is aggressive and to be monitored. It is the mental acceptance of this irretrievable cycle of life which is hard. Why? because there is still so much to be involved with. The joys of creation require more looks and the needs of society are growing at a faster pace, due to the economics of our nation and of the world. The tugs of war among politicians. The rejection of christianity, the slaughter of children, the incessant drug cartels and the outstretched, willing hands of the victims. There are some hardy souls out there willing to do a reigning in of these evils, but they need the support of, up to this writing, an apathetic populace. Pope Benedict XVI has demonsrated courage in his travels to England, Scotland, Europe, et al by voicing, ever so temperately, the immorality which has seized the populace everywhere. There must be many heartfelt prayers ascending because, here in Mobile, we are enjoying the most beautiful blue skies and calm days after so many setbacks with the major oil spill, jobs disappearing, weather turmoils, terrible starvation of many. Let me say that my attempts at ongoing prayers with rosaries, masses, and a few worthy contributions to christian causes do exist and shall continue.

The meeting with reality

This business of aging, "the golden years," is one for which a person cannot study for or cram for. While we spend most of our lives employed with our chosen labors, and then daydream of the retirement from those hectic hours, we are novices.

There has been and is on-going much study and meditation on my part to digest the true meaning of catholicism in this life. Credit must be given to involvment with Our Savior Church, the daily mass participants and our enthusiastic teacher-pastor. Possibly because retirement, since 2000, offers a different time frame for philosophical pursuits. In the past, beginning with elementary school, Sacred Heart Parish, West Reading, Pa., the learning of catechism prevailed. Working in the world in many jobs -- white collar work - university-based jobs - graduation as a licensed Occupational Therapist; marriage and family formation (3 sons); on-going course work; Masters degree in Liberal Studies- these were the mental pursuits. Activity in the Church of the Assumption, Centereach, L.I., N.Y. encompassed teaching of religion to learning-impaired along with full-time services with nursing homes and Cerebral Palsy rehab. center.

Later, working for Sachem School District with children with varied learning problems. My home was a short distance from The Cenacle of Ronkonkoma where I met my spiritual director, Sister Alice McConville and where I enrolled in various spiritual programs to assist my faith walk. Thus, the years unfolded until the year 2006, when my husband and I re-located to Mobile, Al.